2011; Another year to conquer, with even greater hurdles to cross.
Only motivation ahead is the getaways.
For now,
February; Heaven of eat. shop.beauty.sleep. BKK.
December; Planning in progress, a trip to Malaysia.
The rest, up to where this year will bring us to.
Perhaps, Venice like The Tourist? Or, the sexy beach? We'll see.
I'm missing my hair like the picture on the right panel.
Till then,
all out for O's.
Xxxx.
I'm lost. Lost in this journey of my monotonous life. I'm distracted. I can't prioritize. Everyone's worrying about me, but I ain't doing anything.Its in my nature of being stubborn. My ears are on automatic shut mode upon people advising me or whatever you call that. I've wandered off too far. And I'm helpless. I do not know where to pick things up from. O's are in exactly a week. So many things to do, yet I do not have that mood too. I know what I should do. I know the consequences I need to bear if I fail myself. I know. Better than anyone else do. I'm terrified, as much as I do not show, as much as no one knows.Things ain't going my way these days. Everything is at the opposite side of my will. I'm exhausted. I'm really afraid of what's drawn for me in the future. I ain't human enough to meet up to everybody's expectations. Yet I fear disappointment. I've come to a point by which this word irks me. I try, but I see no outcome. Try. Unappreciated. See the bridge between these two words? Andria's never enough. Just fuck off.
At times, I enjoy the silence.
I love the night.
The quietness.
I like some alone-time.
But at times, I like the crowd, the everyone, the atmosphere when us all are together.
Laugh with me through the day,
constantly put up that smile of yours on your face,
entertain the nonsensical part of me,
correct me straight in my face when I'm wrong.
Sit by me and say nothing when I shut up just that very next moment,
withstand my uncalled moodswings,
never fail to give me that tight warm hug at the end of the day.
Just lie by me with no conversations made,
but never feel bored nor empty.
Be it whether the date lasts half an hour,
or the entire day,
let me enjoy it with you and be myself.
I'm no one, nobody.
I constantly remind myself not to expect,
because at the end of time,
they all lead to nothing but a disappointment.
There's this selfish part of me.
Nevertheless, deep down, I never fail to expect.
Be it of myself or of anyone else.
And expectedly, I'll be my own disappointment.
But I can say nothing but keep it inside,
let the hurt heal on its own with time.
Until I disappoint myself once again,
this cycle continues.
Are you capable?
I'm never easy like that.
Cause not many can take me this way. My extremes.
And baby it ends right here.
All I need is to know that you're fine.
Everything else don't matter no more, for now.
Though the words stung even as they pass through her lips, she knew that they were rightly said. Certainly, it was a wake up call for myself.
If only I was ever to be a time travel genius. My future self would have told me everything. Everything that I did not know of. Prevent me from what I shouldn't lead myself to.
I don’t know but
I think I maybe
Fallin’ for you
Dropping so quickly
Maybe I should
Keep this to myself
Waiting ’til I
Know you better
I am trying
Not to tell you
But I want to
I’m scared of what you’ll say
So I’m hiding what I’m feeling
But I’m tired of
Holding this inside my head
I’ve been spending all my time
Just thinking about ya
I don’t know what to do
I think I’m fallin’ for you
I’ve been waiting all my life
And now I found ya
I don’t know what to do
I think I’m fallin’ for you
I’m fallin’ for you
As I’m standing here
And you hold my hand
Pull me towards you
And we start to dance
All around us
I see nobody
Here in silence
It’s just you and me
I’m trying
Not to tell you
But I want to
I’m scared of what you’ll say
So I’m hiding what I’m feeling
But I’m tired of
Holding this inside my head
I’ve been spending all my time
Just thinking about ya
I don’t know what to do
I think I’m fallin’ for you
I’ve been waiting all my life
And now I found ya
I don’t know what to do
I think I’m fallin’ for you
I’m fallin’ for you
Oh I just can’t take it
My heart is racing
The emotions keep spinning out
I’ve been spending all my time
Just thinking about ya
I don’t know what to do
I think I’m fallin’ for you
I’ve been waiting all my life
And now I found ya
I don’t know what to do
I think I’m fallin’ for you
I’m fallin’ for you
I can’t stop thinking about it
I want you all around me
And now I just can’t hide it
I think I’m fallin’ for you
I’m fallin’ for you
Because it has been to much of play too much of craziness too much of materialism too much of a fucking mess. I need to bring myself back.
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